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[20 Feb 2008|08:32am] |
Ello lovers. It's been awhile.
Sorry to keep you hanging on my last few meaningless words. I just haven't had much to write about.
I lost my job, which in retrospect isn't the worst thing to happen to me. That place was a hell hole, although the people were hours of entertainment.
But alas, I am back to rant about something. It's somewhat of a guilty pleasure of mine, I'd rather not fess up to, but I feel it needs to be discussed. Does anyone else watch E!? Well, I do. It's pretty interesting finding out what new projects celebrities are working on, and who's dating who. I don't know why, but it's like high school for millionaires, and I never knew the "inside dish," in high school. So why shouldn't I know it now, about the people who's houses and cars I pay for by supporting their projects.
But here's where I feel the line needs to be drawn. It's come to my attention that there's people out there who think that stardom makes people your best friend. Because you bought someones album, or went to see their last 5 movies, suddenly their business is yours. And some people think they can go spread the rumors. My boyfriends ex, is COMPLETELY obsessed with what's going on with Britney Spears. Can you not see what the publicity has already done to her life? Can't you all leave her the fuck alone?
Now, let me start this by saying, I don't particularly like the dumb bitch, but she's got some good songs, and she can put on a good show. She took selling sex to a whole new level and seems to have gotten a certain kind of Syphilis. I'd like to call it "Syphilis of the Soul." It's a disease that can be cured and is passed on typically ignorance, or just a plain old disregard for others, but it's being spread at an alarming rate. There's people out there who literally are freaking out that Britney is going to end up dead and that their lives are going to end because of it.
I blame television. We all have way too much free time, and many people just sit and soak up the programing. It's disgusting, although, I have to admit, it can be addictive. But think about it... This will be my last, and only point, and it will mostly be up to you to ponder it:
What do we call celebrities? Stars.
What are the stars in our universe doing? Burning themselves.. Collapsing, and burning.
Sometimes, wouldn't you rather look at the sky than worry about which brand of pregnancy test Britney is buying? Doesn't she already have enough kids?
I'm just saying.. Seriously? And they all burn out eventually anyway.
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| Jesus H. Christ |
[29 Dec 2007|12:58am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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So, it's been awhile.
Life is way too fucking complicated. Have a "boyfriend." Sad I can't really, fully call him my boyfriend, and be confident in the statement. Stuff is way too complicated with us, but I really love this kid. Looks like travis, from Gym Class Heroes, just with HUGE BLUE EYES.
Just got fired, essentially for being really sick and having to go to the hospital. Job outlook is dismal, at best.
I miss Cali. I really wanna visit, but it's so far, and so much money. My car is a steaming pile of crap, as usual. I really feel like retail therapy would totally be the answer, however, it's not.
Finally seeing my parents for the first time in about 7 months, next week. Excited, but scared. I feel like I'm not doing enough to make them proud. Although, I think the moving to another state, and making it all work, even if it's hard at times, makes them proud, I don't think it's the life they want me to be living. Hard feeling like a disappointment to everyone, when you already disappoint yourself.
The thing about Cali, and why I'm so frustrated, is that... I miss the bands, the shows, the city, the beach, the trees... I miss seeing... the familiar. The streets I drove down every day, my elementary school, my high school, my family.. On the other hand, since I left my closest friends have left the area, my parents lost their house and moved in with my grandma.
In the back of my head, I keep thinking about the old Anti-45 shows, at the Rec in HMB, and WLMU shows at the Rec in Millbrae. Or going to see the Matches, when they were the Locals at B-street, and doing a Jig with Jon. The summer Alex's mom drove all the way out into the middle of the wilderness, picked me up and DROVE me to the Fillmore, where we interviewed the matches on a street corner, while Shawn tried to eat green beans with a metal fork on a paper plate and in between stabbing his hand, got completely scared shitless by a guy who walked up behind him with a large wooden tray of bobble head chihuahuas. Or, trying to ask Aaron (now of Wakefield) about how stuff ended with GC, while his little brother was hitting on us... It's the shit like that... that fueled my dreams to be a music journalist, to start a clothing company, to research local bands around the world and bring them to SF and produce shows, like I did with Semi-Automatix.
But music made me arrogant. The local shows, turned into the local scene. Then everyone was better than everyone else, and kids enjoyed lighting the curtains of Rec Centers on fire, just to be fucking rebellious, not realizing that they were destroying the local scene. High School bands graduated, some of them went of to college. Some of them went on to major labels like Epitaph and Warner Brothers. I lost track of the bands, and the people who connected me to the music. And eventually, I was a nobody again, and I fucking miss being the girl who promotes for shows. I miss being the girl who hangs out in the Limo's with bands, and has them say, "Holy shit, you were the girl in the pit yesterday who got the shit beaten out of you, and was laying on the ground still singing along. I watching the way you felt the music, more than I think anyone in that crowd enjoyed watching us." (Chad, New Found Glory, Shai Halud)
It just kind of.. ended for me. I want to be that girl again. I want to go to shows. I want to promote the bands. I want to bring them together. I want to be the first one to know that the Matches got signed to Epitaph, all fucking over again. I want that so bad, and without that, my life feels fucking pointless and meaningless and gets caught up in bullshit drama with guys. Then, I didn't need the guys to be happy, I had my art, my website, my clothes, my music, my friends. Now I feel like I have nothing, and I feel like without the bay, I have less than nothing.
I feel like if I go home, I'll just be disappointed, because nothing is the same. Maybe I missed my shot in the bay. I'm sure I could do tons in the bay if I tried, and could afford it. But I feel like there's some reason I have to stay here.
They say if you can make it in NY, you can make it anywhere. I think that's bullshit. There's so few opportunities in the middle of the god forsaken desert, I think that if you can make yourself a life here in Vegas, THEN you can truly make something from nothing, and do anything, anywhere, anytime.
Perhaps that's what I needed to figure out. Now, I just need to make something out of my life here.
Someone come visit. And bring food. I'm poor.
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[28 Jun 2007|02:30pm] |
Hi.
I live in Las Vegas.
I'm hanging out with people from Virginia.
I met a spawn of my denny's waiters.
We stalked Criss Angel. (We will succeed)
And umm, I also have a new journal.
valentinewggn is the name.. I just have no idea how the fuck to do the LJ user links, and I don't feel like looking for the entry that I saved with the linkage. So deal with it.
LOVE!
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[04 Jan 2007|02:43pm] |
New journal.
New life.
New year.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) your_pennylane
</3
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| "Sick of endings. I'm done pretending." |
[23 Nov 2006|03:53pm] |
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music |
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Zebrahead-Back to Normal. |
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So, all I can say is fuck me ever trying to plan anything at all.
Fuck me trying to attempt being happy.
Someone needs to fucking die.
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[17 Nov 2006|09:43am] |
Helllooo Kids!
How goes it?
I've come to update you with the boring non-sense that is my life.
I've Started two new jobs, and quit the airport. I'm working at a place called "All American Transport." They basically move peoples cars. It's pretty cool. Decent pay, decent hours. Awesome environment.
I'll also be starting at Pet Club today when I get off work here. It should be pretty chill, I hope.
I will also be picking up hours at the cleaners. So, all in all, I wont be such a damn hermit, but I will be busy out of my mind. It will kind of be like high school all over again. Plus some world of warcraft and crazy parties.
So, I get to see laura soon. For our thanksgiving fest, which is basically our first holiday in our new apartment. I'm excited. Stuff has been weird around the apartment. It's not so bad, but I have to say it had me stressed out of my mind for a while as well. I'm kinda still waiting for the shit to hit the fan, but I'm assuming it'll work out eventually.
Aside from that, my birthday is in like a week and a half. It's kinda weird. I waited forever to be 18, and now I'll be 19 and I feel like nothing has really changed. Chuck will also be 21 the same day. (yes, we have the same birthday.) && so far, my intent is to fly to vegas and spend my birthday with the love of my life ^_^.
It should be grand.
Regardless, I'm at work, and I'm bored out of my mind. I'm gonna go terrorize some people.
=]
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[16 Sep 2006|10:57am] |
I dont think I can love him like this anymore.
I dont know how the hell to stop...
But why the fuck?
I hate thinking these days.
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[05 Sep 2006|02:21pm] |
I've got that miserable, sinking feeling.
i hate this.
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[14 Aug 2006|07:08pm] |
I'm really depressed, living on my own.
I'm really depressed without being able to see my boyfriend reguarly.
I'm really fucking angry that no one in this house can get along, or simply fucking share a space without being douches.
i miss my friends.
i miss being innocent.
i miss going to denny's to see bryan.
Most of all, i really wish my parents would either completely stay the fuck out of my life, or stfu and and admit they miss me.
Either way. I'm feeling miserable.
I miss..shit.
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[07 Aug 2006|10:56pm] |
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music |
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Good Riddance- Yesterday's Headlines |
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So,I'm totally moved in.
Furniture's in.
Desk is in/painted.
Bought a tv.
Have internet and cable.
&& for everyone who told me I'm effin crazy moving in with p after everything that's gone down, you were more than right.
Hella drama, and we've barely been here a week.
I started airport training today.
I got a paycheck...
For two days,
and It was more than $200.
It was amazing.
I miss people.
Call me.
=[
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[25 Jul 2006|02:04am] |
I miss him:
okay, not danny phantom, but I miss my danny.
A good talk with paige tonight, made me feel better about everything, but everything still sucks. After EVERYTHING, we're having weird shitty issues with the apartment.
STRESS TO THE MAX.
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[23 Jul 2006|11:41pm] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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So0o0o0o,
Nay and I went to the assembly, mostly to appease my parents. It worked, but stressed us both out a lot. I really missed becky and Carlos tho. Laura and Kylie had our assembly, too, which was cool, but Danny wasn't there.
All in all, it was just to hot to sit still that long.
My mom saw my tattoo tonight. Lets just say, she wasn't happy.
I told my cousin about it, finally, as well.
Chuck and I seriously broke up, about 3 times tonight. Finally, I flipped, and gave up on trying to explain shit. He essentially wanted to know what's been bugging me, but then when it was explained, didn't like what I had to say. So because he didn't want to hear it, decided I'm just a psychotic bitch, (Which let me tell you, I sure as fuck can be,) and that everything going wrong was completely my fault.
I will take a big chunk of the responsibility, but when two people are in a relationship, and stuff goes smoothy up until a point, it's typically due to each side's error.
Essentially, after hours of bitching, i gave up, he finally realized some things, he called and apologized, yada yada yada. But in the future, there's gonna be an intense talking to.
The distance is getting fucking old.
I miss james.
I'm gonna miss my room.
I'm gonna miss my fucking cat.
Bam. Boom. BAH.
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| Bloody Kisses From Poision Lips... |
[21 Jul 2006|07:03pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
] |
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music |
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Gwen Stefani- Crash |
] |
"anyway so listen since you forgot about me i just wanted to tell you that one, if not talking to me means you miss me then i miss you too. Two, I think you moving out of your house is pretty damn cool becuz you would probably do better on your own. umm..well oh yeah you wrote an entry not too long ago and i dunno if you ever do need to talk to anyone im here just leave a message on here of lj...oh yeah and happy to see that you found love. probably werent expecting it huh? lol see what happens when you arent actually looking for love..it just kinda finds you. "
It's not in any way that I've forgot aboutyou. I sitll think of you on the daily. The other day, I drove home and laughed "Pretty Pink Socks? I should have known it was too good."
I do miss you. Moving out with be amazing.
I always want to talk to you. Sometimes, I wonder why talking to you was so much easier than talking to my friends.. or even my bf. But I suppose, we talked about that, and our trust issues way back when I still wanted to be naive and not know better.
I miss you, but I'm still terrified of talking.
So, Hi.
I miss you.
I've never forgotten you.
Hope all is well.
<3
------
In other news. Final paperwork is finished tomorrow. Final move in, sunday, we hope.
Airport training, starts in 2 weeks. This week is dedicated to tying up loose ends, and cleansing out my life. Next week, is dedicated to making some money, and perhaps a long weekend in vegas?
I'm so ready to get away. I'm so ready to see my love. I'm SO ready, to forget about everything I keep remembering, and hang out on pete's beach.
------
Weirdest thing happened:
At the union meeting today for the airport, they passed out a flyer with union elected rep's names on it.
Tell me why one of them was Brian Fernandez.
Tell me why the fuck?
Why do I feel like people have been stalking me lately?
------
Last night, I was bitter as all fucking hell. I went to my place. I watched a group of kids smoking pot, and pondered getting really high. Instead, I called and apologized for some stupid shit I did, and I sat on a rooftop crying for several hours. Finally, I got my shit together, and I drove to the cleaners to pick up some stuff I needed to mail out. As I was getting ready to lock the door, this fat mob of teenagers came running at me.
All of the sudden I heard them all start chanting MORIAHHHHH.
Bizzare as HELL.
It turned out to be a bunch of kids I knew from high school/elementary school. I hung out with them for HOURS. It was insane, and they're amazing.
I got to see james.. outside of our crew, and it was amazing. He's freaking so great. James is really my best friend EVER. I love him to death.
Then after a bit, we went to mr. pizza man.. ON the way, we saw more kids from elementary school, and a girl from Mills/CSM. ITWAS SO WEIRD
At mr. Pizza Man, we saw Jake && Alex.
Talk about INSANE.
It was a great night.
Aside from the party nextdoor.
>.
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[13 Jul 2006|04:18pm] |
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The suspense is killing me.
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| For the ec >3 wc crew |
[15 May 2006|11:32pm] |
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mood |
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 energetic |
] |
So, because this b-day excursion has become such a big event, I'm just curious to know all the details.
I need to know the following:
What day you're flying in, and the time, preferably.
What airport you're flying into (OAK, SFO or SJC).
What airlines you're flying on.
Then, I need to know when you're leaving... Or atleast the day.
&& Also, how much money you're gonna have on hand. It's possible to do touristy stuff and not spend much money, but it's more fun if you can DO stuff.
Also, we're planning a few things:
-Surf lessons for you shitheads
(which will in total cost $20 for the day)
-A possible Camping trip
(which, will cost $20 for the site+ food between us all, per day)
-One, but possibly two shows
(Once Over, on Saturday, May 27th && the Matches on Sunday, May 28th. The matches show is...pending. The Once over show is for sure. Tickets for once over are $8 and in San Rafel. The Matches is about $14-15ish and in SF.)
-SF tours
(Pier 39, downtown, the haight, alcatraz etc. I need to know who wants to go to alcatraz, and when, because it costs about $15 bux and you have to make a reservation.)
-Possible Day trip to the lake
(about $40 for gas + food.)
-Possible great america (Theme Park) Day
(aprox $40-60)
Basically, i'm willing to drive us where ever (assuming my car is fixed). We plan on making this two weeks of AMAZING cali packed FUNNNN, but I cant afford to spend ALL my money on it.. So I need to know you guys can atleast cover your food/admission to places, and some gas would be nice. But I need to know peoples preferances for what they'd like to do. I tend to try and keep things as cheap as possible, but bah. REGARDLESS, lemme know what you wanna do, when you're coming asap, kay?
thanks
p.s.
Make sure to bring:
Bathing suits
Good Music
Your winning smiles, and anything else ridiculously corny you can think of =]
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[05 May 2006|08:47am] |
I dyed my hair.
It's this godforsaken strawberry blonde color. It's really just the same as it was before, just a bit lighter.
I trimmed it too.
It seems a bit healthier, perhaps.
x_X
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Chuck comes tonight!!
His plane should be in around 9:30 or 10.
Then it's off to galavant through sf =]
I'm so thrilled.
<3
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[27 Apr 2006|04:11pm] |
I stole this from _heartscontent
It's utterly amazing. Love her.
"There are pretty girls and there are messenger girls, and I've always been a messenger girl.
In high school I had this tall, gorgeous girlfriend Rebecca, who would take me out to ska shows, and every time we went to one some hot guy would pull me aside and ask if she had a boyfriend...
The worst thing about being a messenger girl is that you can't ever let on that you're bitter about it. Because then you're not just ugly, but an ugly bitch. So you have to play it cool, like you're just not the girlie type, like there's nothing you love more than relaying messages for your pretty friend." -Run Catch Kiss
This paragraph from a novel I'm reading, pretty much sums up my life. I'm a messenger girl. Always have been. I've always had attractive girl friends, and would always wish to be something other than the pretty girls friend. In elementary school it was Nicole. In middle school it was Leah and Lora. In high school it was Christine, Regina, Marivic, or Maribeth.
And yes, I am taken now. But we began as friends, and everyone before him, I was just a friend to. I'm never noticed as attractive right away. There are those girls who walk into a room and everyone knows it. That girl would not be me. I'm the kind of girl that automatically is deemed "the friend". The Sister. And most of the time, I'm okay with that, or at least, I learned to be.
I learned to suck up my bitterness and just deal. I realized that I'm just not that kind of girl. And I wasn't made to be that kind of girl. I am forever and always going to be the sidekick. So I did my job: I helped the poor lads out, I flattered my girlfriends with the comments the guys relayed to me. I stayed in the sidelines and never intervined. I was more or less, content with what I was.
And the thing about me is, that eventually, they'd fall for me.
I'm the girl they'd call every night to talk to about Her, the one they confided in, and confessed all their embarassing emotions. I witnessed their pining, their affections, their humility. And then, they'd be over her. And they'd finally, finally, finally... see me.
The thing with those kind of girls is, that that's all they are. The attraction is in the beginning. Their looks, their mystery, their demenure. They're interesting on the outside, but inside, they don't match up. And I guess I'm just the opposite.
As I got older, I learned to love being a messenger girl. I realized that I may not be the kind of girl guys want to go to bed with, but the kind of girl they want to wake up to. And that I find, is even better.
But, even today, I still want to be Her. It may be shallow, but who doesn't want to feel attractive? To be lusted after. They don't experience the heartache we do, or the waiting we do. They are placed high with such esteem. They're admired. They're noticed. And..I want that. I want to be the one that's initially attractive. Who drags em on a string. The one who can control them through the power of smile, from her flirtatious touch, from her curled eyelashes. The one who is pretty. Who is beautiful. Even if it's only on the outside.
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| Anywhere with YOU. |
[27 Mar 2006|10:02pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
] |
We're on the open road
Turn up the radio
I feel wonderful
I take a hit && hold it in.
You look beautiful.
I wonder where you've been.
I wanna grab you by the arms and let myself cave in.
We talked about leaving.
I wonder if it rains in Mass in June.
It might be nice this time of year.
I think it might be time to turn around.
I stop..
Bite my lips && yell out,
"I WANT YOU, NOW!"
I feel like breaking down
I want to call you out...
Forget everything
I haven't seen you in so long.
Forget everything
You're the only one I can't break.
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[23 Mar 2006|12:00am] |
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[15 Mar 2006|07:26pm] |
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music |
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PWT- Hey There Delilah |
] |
I really miss my grandpa. But I'm too much of a hardass to cry.
I get it honestly.
He started it.
I feel like eating pickles, cherries and chocolate pudding.
I will do as he wished and make the best of my life that I can.
Give 'em hell.
d'ello.
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